An accessible handout introducing the use of 'I-messages' or 'I-statements' to support assertive communication.
Offers theory, guidance, and prompts for mental health professionals. Downloads are in Fillable PDF format where appropriate.
Includes client-friendly guidance. Downloads are in Fillable PDF format where appropriate.
Verbal communication is a key component of assertive behaviour. Many assertiveness training programs encourage the use of 'I-messages' or 'I-statements' to express personal experiences clearly and respectfully. Initially developed by Thomas Gordon for effective parenting (Gordon, 1967, 2000), I-messages focus on conveying one's thoughts, feelings, or needs in an honest and non-blaming manner. The Assertive Communication – 'I-Messages' or 'I-Statements' information handout introduces clients to this technique. It explains what I-messages are, different types of I-message (e.g., statements focusing personal opinions, feelings, or needs), and how they can be beneficial.
I-messages are an effective way for expressing oneself without blaming or judging others, supporting assertive communication.
For anxious clients who struggle to express themselves.
To encourage confident, respectful social interactions.
Supports clients whose communication is hindered by guilt, hopelessness, or low self-worth.
For clients experiencing interpersonal difficulties that are impacted by communication problems.
Encourages development of self-respect and clear expression of needs.
Supports effective communication with colleagues and reduces vulnerability to bullying.
Explain the purpose and value of I-messages.
Review current clients' current communication habits.
Contrast “you” vs “I” statements.
Use the provided examples to construct and rehearse I-messages.
Encourage between-session practice during everyday interactions.
Effective communication is essential for sharing information, coordinating actions, and achieving personal and professional goals (Rohner & Schutz, 2024). It plays a key role in building healthy relationships, allowing individuals to express needs, build trust, and resolve conflicts (McKay et al., 2018).
Communication styles, particularly in assertiveness literature, are typically categorized as assertive or non-assertive (Bonham-Carter, 2012; Speed et al., 2018). Assertive communication is recognized as effective in many situations, and is characterized by clear and honest expression, respect for oneself and others, and taking responsibility for communication outcomes.
In many assertiveness training programmes, individuals are encouraged to use ‘I-messages’ or ‘I-statements’ to convey their experiences clearly and respectfully (Alberti & Emmons, 2017; Jakubowski & Lange, 1978; Hayward et al., 2012; Rakos, 1991). I-messages were originally outlined by Thomas Gordon in the context of effective parenting (Gordon, 1967, 2000). Unlike ‘you-messages’, which can often be judgmental and accusatory (e.g., “You are rude”), these statements focus on the assertive expression of one's thoughts (e.g., “I think this is the best course of action”), feelings (e.g., “I felt hurt when you didn’t include me”), or needs (e.g., “I need some help with this”; Jakubowski & Lange, 1978). This can help promote honest and transparent communication, reduce resistance and defensiveness during interactions, and minimise critical or blaming language that leads to conflict.
