Learn how to address conflicts constructively in long-term relationships with this brief information handout for promoting effective and respectful communication.
Offers theory, guidance, and prompts for mental health professionals. Downloads are in Fillable PDF format where appropriate.
Includes client-friendly guidance. Downloads are in Fillable PDF format where appropriate.
An editable Microsoft PowerPoint version of the resource.
Designed to help clients evaluate and improve their conflict resolution skills, this resource highlights the importance of handling disagreements constructively. It provides actionable steps aimed at fostering healthier, more intimate relationships by replacing unproductive behaviors with fair fighting principles.
Conflicts in relationships are inevitable, yet their mismanagement can lead to lasting damage. This resource enables mental health professionals to:
Clients struggling with recurring disputes in intimate relationships.
Individuals with difficulties expressing needs and desires constructively.
Those prone to aggressive responses or avoidance in conflicts.
Anyone in a partnership experiencing distress due to unresolved conflicts.
Engage clients in discussing the inevitability and acceptability of conflicts.
Help clients identify unhelpful assumptions and actions in past disagreements.
Go through fair fighting rules and encourage their application.
Offer specific instructions on using communication, regulation, and problem-solving skills.
Encourage reflection on how fair fighting improves relationship dynamics.
Fair fighting is rooted in the understanding that conflict is an inevitable part of intimate relationships and, when approached constructively, can become a catalyst for growth, improved communication, and emotional intimacy. This perspective draws on decades of research and clinical observation that emphasize the importance of respectful, skill-based approaches to conflict (Bach, 1969; Frey, Holley, & L’Abate, 1979; Lingren, 1999).
Pioneering work by Bach (1969) introduced the concept of teaching couples how to "fight fair," offering guidelines to prevent emotional escalation and destructive interaction patterns. Later developments by Frey and colleagues (1979) compared conflict resolution models, highlighting the central role of emotional sharing and mutual understanding. More recent integrative approaches to couple therapy (Nielsen, 2017) emphasize the importance of sequencing emotional regulation, communication, and problem-solving strategies to create lasting relational change.
Key components of fair fighting include:
Therapists can use these principles to help clients replace maladaptive conflict patterns with more constructive behaviors. While fair fighting strategies provide a foundation for healthy interactions, some clients may require additional support in developing emotional awareness, self-soothing techniques, or repairing past relational wounds before these skills can be fully implemented.
Therapists benefit from a clear structure to support clients in navigating conflicts, ultimately improving relational satisfaction and psychological outcomes.
