Unforgiveness – The Hook
Everyone experiences hurts and transgressions. When an offence occurs, people often react with anger, fear, or sadness. When these responses persist, people enter a state of ‘unforgiveness’. Metaphors are a helpful way of exploring forgiveness with clients, and there is a long literary history of equating forgiveness with letting the perpetrator “off the hook”. Unforgiveness – The Hook presents this metaphor of forgiveness in a simple and accessible format.
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Introduction & Theoretical Background
What is unforgiveness?
Unforgiveness is an internal state that people experience in the aftermath of an offence, characterized by a complex combination of (Stackhouse et al., 2017; Worthington, 2006; Worthington & Wade, 1999):
- Emotions – such as resentment, bitterness, hatred, hostility, anger, fear, or depression.
- Cognitions – such as an unwillingness to forgive, or altered perceptions of the offender.
- Motivations – such as a desire for revenge, retaliation, or avoidance of the perpetrator).
For most individuals, unforgiveness naturally subsides without intervention (McCullough et al., 2010). Others may experience a sense of unforgiveness that increases over time (Worthington, 2020). Unforgiveness can also come and go:
Your resentment toward the wrongdoer could and sometimes does return. You may forgive someone and then dwell on the offense again, only to find your resentment returning. A satisfactory view of forgiveness should allow for this, as we can move from forgiveness back
Therapist Guidance
"When we are hurt or offended by another person, we often have strong emotional reactions, like anger, anxiety, and sadness. If these emotions persist, we might experience what psychologists call ‘unforgiveness’. You could think of unforgiveness as being unable or unwilling to let go of something bad that has happened. One way of thinking about unforgiveness is though metaphors. Would you be willing to look at this one with me?"
References And Further Reading
Akhtar, S., & Barlow, J. (2018). Forgiveness therapy for the promotion of mental well-being: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Trauma, Violence, and Abuse, 19, 107-122. DOI: 10.1177/1524838016637079.
Anderson, N. T., & Miller, R. (2002). Getting anger under control: Overcoming unresolved resentment, overwhelming emotions, and the lies behind anger. Harvest House Publishers.
Baskin, T. W., & Enright, R. D. (2004). Intervention studies on forgiveness: A meta‐analysis. Journal of Counseling and Development, 82, 79-90. DOI: 10.1002/j.1556-6678.2004.tb00288.x.
Berry, J. W., Worthington Jr, E. L., O’Connor, L. E., Parrott III, L., & Wade, N. G. (2005). Forgivingness, vengeful rumination, and affective traits. Journal of Personality, 73, 183-226. DOI: 10.1111/j.1467-6494.2004.00308.x.
Enright, R. D., & Fitzgibbons, R. P. (2000). Helping clients forgive: An empirical guide for resolving anger and restoring hope. American Psychological Association.
Exline, J. J., & Baumeister, R. F. (2000). Expressing forgiveness and repentance: Benefits and barriers. In M. E. McCullough, K. I. Paragament,