Unforgiveness – The Hook

Unforgiveness – The Hook presents the metaphorical concept of unforgiveness as a way to understand and address the complex emotions and cognitions associated with holding onto past hurts.

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Professional version

Offers theory, guidance, and prompts for mental health professionals. Downloads are in Fillable PDF format where appropriate.

Client version

Includes client-friendly guidance. Downloads are in Fillable PDF format where appropriate.

Overview

Unforgiveness is a multifaceted emotional state occurring after an offense, and is marked by resentment, bitterness, and a yearning for revenge, or by avoidance of the offender. Unforgiveness sometimes resolves on its own, but it can become persistent, impacting emotional well-being and interpersonal relations. This information handout uses the metaphor of 'letting the perpetrator off the hook' to explore forgiveness.

Why Use This Resource?

Persistent unforgiveness can be harmful to mental and physical health. This resource helps therapists in:

  • Providing a metaphorical framework for clients to grasp forgiveness.
  • Offering insights on the stress model of unforgiveness and approaches to reduce its impact.

Key Benefits

Metaphor

Engages clients with a vivid metaphor to conceptualize forgiveness.

Insight

Helps identify emotional and cognitive aspects of unforgiveness.

Framework

Provides a vivid approach to discussing unforgiveness.

Awareness

Increases awareness of forgiveness without minimizing legitimate client emotions.

Who is this for?

Anger

Struggling with the resentment of feeling wronged.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Struggling with traumatic memories and emotional distress.

Mood Disorder

Experiencing ongoing bitterness or anger impacting mood regulation.

Relational Conflicts

Facing difficulties in forgiving personal or broader societal transgressions.

Integrating it into your practice

01

Introduce

Discuss forgiveness using the hook metaphor to make the concept accessible.

02

Assess

Evaluate the client's tendency towards unforgiveness and its impacts.

03

Explore

Encourage exploration of personal and relational implications of unforgiveness.

04

Empower

Support client autonomy in choosing forgiveness or resolving unforgiveness.

Theoretical Background & Therapist Guidance

Unforgiveness is a complex emotional and cognitive state that can arise after being wronged. According to Worthington and colleagues, it encompasses enduring feelings of resentment, bitterness, and a desire for retribution, often accompanied by persistent rumination and avoidance of the offender. It can fluctuate over time, be situation-specific, or take on a dispositional quality across multiple relationships or domains.

The stress-and-coping model (Worthington, 2006) views unforgiveness as a stress reaction to interpersonal transgressions. When an offense is perceived as threatening, it can trigger a cascade of emotional, physical, motivational, and cognitive responses. Individuals attempt to regulate this stress by seeking justice, avoiding the offender, reappraising the event, or, sometimes, by forgiving. Importantly, unforgiveness can be reduced through strategies that don’t require forgiveness, including emotional regulation, boundary setting, and assertiveness.

Therapists must tread carefully when addressing forgiveness in therapy. While forgiveness has been linked to improved psychological and physical health, encouraging it too early or inappropriately may risk invalidating the client’s experience, inducing shame, or reinforcing harmful societal expectations. Instead, clients benefit when therapists validate their emotional responses and offer language and metaphors to make sense of their inner experience.

The hook metaphor used in this resource is drawn from acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) literature and helps clients visualize how unforgiveness can trap both the victim and the offender in continued emotional suffering. By “letting someone off the hook,” clients are not excusing harmful behavior but rather choosing to free themselves from an ongoing source of pain. This shift in focus – from moral resolution to personal liberation – can be a powerful therapeutic reframe.

What's inside

  • A vivid metaphor for explaining forgiveness.
  • Insights into the emotional and cognitive components of unforgiveness.
  • Discussion of the potential benefits and downsides of unforgiveness.
  • Guidance on utilizing metaphors in therapeutic contexts.
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FAQs

Unforgiveness is a sustained emotional state following an offense, characterized by feelings of resentment, bitterness, and a desire for retribution.
It provides a tangible way to understand and communicate the concept of being emotionally attached to the past offense and the process of letting go.
In some contexts, unforgiveness can serve as self-protection or empowerment, helping clients voice unacceptable actions and rethink their interactions.
Not necessarily, therapists should consider each client's readiness and willingness before pursuing forgiveness, as pushing toward forgiveness prematurely can be counterproductive.
No, research suggests that for some individuals, retaining unforgiveness can serve as a source of empowerment, self-protection, or meaning-making. Therapy should therefore be guided by each client’s values, goals, and readiness, offering pathways for healing that may or may not involve forgiveness.

How This Resource Improves Clinical Outcomes

By employing the hook metaphor, this resource facilitates:

  • Deeper client engagement with the forgiveness process.
  • Opportunities for clients to reconcile with past offenses in meaningful ways.
  • Enhanced therapeutic dialogue around complex emotional states tied to unforgiveness.

Therapists gain:

  • A visual tool to approach sensitive topics.
  • The ability to tailor discussions around forgiveness to individual client needs.
  • A means to promote emotional relief without enforcing traditional forgiveness narratives.

Clinicians Who Use This Resource Also Use

References And Further Reading

  • Akhtar, S., & Barlow, J. (2018). Forgiveness therapy for the promotion of mental well-being: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Trauma, Violence, and Abuse, 19, 107–122. https://doi.org/10.1177/1524838016637079
  • Anderson, N. T., & Miller, R. (2002). Getting anger under control: Overcoming unresolved resentment, overwhelming emotions, and the lies behind anger. Harvest House Publishers.
  • Baskin, T. W., & Enright, R. D. (2004). Intervention studies on forgiveness: A meta‐analysis. Journal of Counseling and Development, 82, 79–90. https://doi.org/10.1002/j.1556-6678.2004.tb00288.x
  • Berry, J. W., Worthington Jr, E. L., O’Connor, L. E., Parrott III, L., & Wade, N. G. (2005). Forgivingness, vengeful rumination, and affective traits. Journal of Personality, 73, 183–226. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-6494.2004.00308.x
  • Enright, R. D., & Fitzgibbons, R. P. (2000). Helping clients forgive: An empirical guide for resolving anger and restoring hope. American Psychological Association.
  • Exline, J. J., & Baumeister, R. F. (2000). Expressing forgiveness and repentance: Benefits and barriers. In M. E. McCullough, K. I. Pargament, & C. E. Thoresen (Eds.), Forgiveness: Theory, research, and practice (pp. 133–155). Guilford Press.
  • Gao, F., Li, Y., & Bai, X. (2022). Forgiveness and subjective well-being: A meta-analysis review. Personality and Individual Differences, 186, 111350. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2021.111350
  • Gartner, J. (1988). The capacity to forgive: An object relations perspective. Journal of Religion and Health, 27, 313–320. https://doi.org/10.1007/BF01533199
  • Griffin, B. J., Worthington, E. L., Jr., Lavelock, C. R., Wade, N. G., & Hoyt, W. T. (2015). Forgiveness and mental health. In L. L. Toussaint, E. L. Worthington Jr., & D. R. Williams (Eds.), Forgiveness and health: Scientific evidence and theories relating forgiveness to better health (pp. 77–90). Springer.
  • Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (1999). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: An experiential approach to behavior change. Guilford Press.
  • Hayes, S. C., & Smith, S. (2005). Get out of your mind and into your life: The new acceptance and commitment therapy. New Harbinger Publications.
  • Hayley, J. (1965). The art of being schizophrenic. Voices: The Art and Science of Psychotherapy, 1, 138.
  • Jones Ross, R. W., Boon, S. D., & Stackhouse, M. R. (2018). Redefining unforgiveness: Exploring victims’ experiences in the wake of unforgiven interpersonal transgressions. Deviant Behavior, 39, 1069–1081. https://doi.org/10.1080/01639625.2017.1399747
  • Kira, I. A., Lewandowski, L. A., Templin, T. N., Ramaswamy, V., Ozkan, B., & Mohanesh, J. (2009). The effects of post-retribution inter-group forgiveness: The case of Iraqi refugees. Peace and Conflict: Journal of Peace Psychology, 15, 385–413. https://doi.org/10.1080/10781910903158669
  • Legaree, T. A., Turner, J., & Lollis, S. (2007). Forgiveness and therapy: A critical review of conceptualizations, practices, and values found in the literature. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 33, 192–213. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1752-0606.2007.00016.x
  • Lee, Y. R., & Enright, R. D. (2019). A meta-analysis of the association between forgiveness of others and physical health. Psychology and Health, 34, 626–643. https://doi.org/10.1080/08870446.2018.1554185
  • Lippitt, J. (2020). Love’s forgiveness: Kierkegaard, resentment, humility, and hope. Oxford University Press.
  • Lundahl, B. W., Taylor, M. J., Stevenson, R., & Roberts, K. D. (2008). Process-based forgiveness interventions: A meta-analytic review. Research on Social Work Practice, 18, 465–478. https://doi.org/10.1177/1049731507313979
  • Lutzer, E. W. (1990). Putting your past behind you. Here’s Life Publishers.
  • Macaskill, A. (2005). The treatment of forgiveness in counselling and therapy. Counselling Psychology Review, 20, 26–33.
  • McCullough, M. E., Luna, L. R., Berry, J. W., Tabak, B. A., & Bono, G. (2010). On the form and function of forgiving: Modeling the time-forgiveness relationship and testing the valuable relationships hypothesis. Emotion, 10, 358–376. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0019349
  • Miller, D. P. (1994). A little book of forgiveness: Challenges and meditations for anyone with something to forgive. Viking Adult.
  • Muller, W. (1993). Legacy of the heart: The spiritual advantage of a painful childhood. Simon and Schuster.
  • Perez, I. L. (1903). The Messenger (Mandell, M. S., trans.). The Maccabean, 4(2), 80.
  • Raj, M., & Wiltermuth, S. S. (2016). Barriers to forgiveness. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 10, 679–690. https://doi.org/10.1111/spc3.12290
  • Rapske, D. L., Boon, S. D., Alibhai, A. M., & Kheong, M. J. (2010). Not forgiven, not forgotten: An investigation of unforgiven interpersonal offenses. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 29, 1100–1130. https://doi.org/10.1521/jscp.2010.29.10.1100
  • Rasmussen, K. R., Stackhouse, M., Boon, S. D., Comstock, K., & Ross, R. (2019). Meta-analytic connections between forgiveness and health: The moderating effects of forgiveness-related distinctions. Psychology and Health, 34, 515–534. https://doi.org/10.1080/08870446.2018.1545906
  • Safer, J. (1999). Forgiving and not forgiving: A new approach to intimate betrayal. Avon Books.
  • Seawell, A. H., Toussaint, L. L., & Cheadle, A. C. (2014). Prospective associations between unforgiveness and physical health and positive mediating mechanisms in a nationally representative sample of older adults. Psychology and Health, 29, 375–389. https://doi.org/10.1080/08870446.2013.856434
  • Singh, A. K., Tiwari, G. K., & Rai, P. K. (2022). Beyond “cold emotion and rumination”: A qualitative study on the nature and attributes of unforgiveness. European Journal of Psychology Open.
  • Stackhouse, M. R., Jones Ross, R. W., & Boon, S. D. (2018). Unforgiveness: Refining theory and measurement of an understudied construct. British Journal of Social Psychology, 57, 130–153. https://doi.org/10.1111/bjso.12226
  • Strabbing, J. T. (2023). Forgiveness and agency. In E. Pettigrove & R. Enright (Eds.), The Routledge handbook of the philosophy and psychology of forgiveness (pp. 299–311). Routledge.
  • Wade, N. G., & Worthington, E. L. (2003). Overcoming interpersonal offenses: Is forgiveness the only way to deal with unforgiveness? Journal of Counseling and Development, 81, 343–353. https://doi.org/10.1002/j.1556-6678.2003.tb00261.x
  • Wade, N. G., Worthington, E. L., & Meyer, J. E. (2005). But do they work? A meta-analysis of group interventions to promote forgiveness. In: E. L. Worthington Jr. (Ed.), Handbook of forgiveness (pp. 423–440). Routledge.
  • Walser, R. D., & Westrup, D. (2007). Acceptance and commitment therapy for the treatment of post-traumatic stress disorder and trauma-related problems: A practitioner’s guide to using mindfulness and acceptance strategies. New Harbinger Publications.
  • Worthington, E. L. (2006). Forgiveness and reconciliation: Theory and application. Routledge.
  • Worthington, E. L. (2020). Understanding forgiveness of other people: Definitions, theories, and processes. In: E. L. Worthington & N. G. Wade (Eds.), Handbook of forgiveness (2nd ed., pp. 11–21). Routledge.
  • Worthington, E. L., & Lamb, S. (2023). Forgiveness in therapy: The importance of careful definitions and realistic objectives. In: E. Pettigrove & R. Enright (Eds.), The Routledge handbook of the philosophy and psychology of forgiveness (pp. 418–429). Routledge.
  • Worthington, E. L., & Sandage, S. J. (2016). Forgiveness and spirituality in psychotherapy: A relational approach. American Psychological Association.
  • Worthington, E. L., & Wade, N. G. (1999). The psychology of unforgiveness and forgiveness and implications for clinical practice. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 18, 385–418. https://doi.org/10.1521/jscp.1999.18.4.385

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