Unforgiveness

Help clients understand what unforgiveness is, why people experience it, and how they can change if they want to.

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Professional version

Offers theory, guidance, and prompts for mental health professionals. Downloads are in Fillable PDF format where appropriate.

Client version

Includes client-friendly guidance. Downloads are in Fillable PDF format where appropriate.

Overview

Everyone experiences hurts and transgressions. When an offence occurs, people often react with anger, fear, or sadness. When these responses persist, people are said to enter a state of ‘unforgiveness’. While unforgiveness is often distressing and detrimental, research suggests it can sometimes be beneficial.

This information handout describes unforgiveness, why people experience it, and how they can change if they want to.

Why Use This Resource?

Help client understand unforgiveness and the impact it has:

  • Explains what unforgiveness is.
  • Highlights the consequences of unforgiveness.
  • Describes how to overcome unforgiveness.

Key Benefits

Clear

Provides a clear understanding of the concept of unforgiveness.

Relatable

Helps clients recognize whether they are experiencing unforgiveness.

Practical

Explains how unforgiveness can be addressed.

Applicable

Suitable for a wide range of clients.

Who is this for?

Unforgiveness

Designed to help clients experiencing unforgiveness.

Integrating it into your practice

01

Explain

Describe what unforgiveness is.

02

Identify

Help the client recognize whether they are experiencing unforgiveness.

03

Explore

Discuss the different ways people think about unforgiveness.

04

Address

Help the client tackle their unforgiveness if they want to.

Theoretical Background & Therapist Guidance

Unforgiveness is an internal state that people experience in the aftermath of an offence, characterized by a complex combination of emotions (e.g., resentment, bitterness, hatred, hostility, anger, fear, depression), cognitions (e.g., an unwillingness to forgive, altered perceptions of the offender), and motivations (e.g., a desire for revenge, retaliation, or avoidance of the perpetrator; Stackhouse et al., 2017; Worthington, 2006; Worthington & Wade, 1999). For most individuals, unforgiveness naturally subsides without intervention (McCullough et al., 2010), but others may experience a sense of unforgiveness that increases over time (Worthington, 2020).

Considerable research has highlighted the deleterious effects of unforgiveness, which can negatively impact people’s relationships (Rapske et al., 2010), physical health (Seawell et al., 2014), and mental health (Griffin et al., 2015). Furthermore, it has been suggested that unforgiveness is a key component of several disorders and can even give rise to forms of psychopathology (e.g., Enright & Fitzgibbons, 2000; Worthington & Sandage, 2016).

That said, studies have also highlighted the potential benefits of unforgiveness: therapists should note that it is not always distressing or ruminative (Jones Ross et al., 2017), and studies suggest that it may beneficial at times (e.g., Singh et al., 2022). For instance, in a study examining the relationship between forgiveness and health amongst Iraqi refugees, Kira and colleagues (2019) found that unforgiving participants experienced better health and lower PTSD scores.

While studies have underscored the benefits of forgiving transgressions (e.g., Gao et al., 2022; Lee & Enright, 2019; Rasmussen et al., 2019) and the effectiveness of forgiveness-focused treatments (for reviews, see Akhtar & Barlow, 2018; Baskin & Enright, Lundahl et al., 2008; Wade et al., 2005), therapists should note that premature or indelicately handled discussion of forgiveness may be detrimental for clients are unable or unwilling to do this. Accordingly, Wade and colleagues (2005) emphasize the following: \Clients who are struggling with the emotional and relational aftermath of serious offenses are not served by the addition of shame and guilt from a perception of moral failure (i.e. “I should forgive and I am not able to; therefore there is something wrong with me”)".

What's inside

  • Detailed overview of unforgiveness and associated research.
  • Insights into key strategies for reducing unforgiveness.
  • Therapist guidance for exploring unforgiveness with clients.
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FAQs

Unforgiveness is an emotional state involving persistent feelings of resentment and bitterness following a transgression.
While forgiveness entails letting go of anger and resentment, unforgiveness maintains these emotions, which some individuals may view as helpful or protective.
Yes, in some cases, unforgiveness can enhance self-protection, empowerment, and validate self-worth.

How This Resource Improves Clinical Outcomes

This handout supports therapists and clients in exploring unforgiveness and how to reduce it.

  • Helps develop a balanced understanding of unforgiveness.
  • Supports clients in recognizing the impact of unforgiveness on their lives.
  • Empowers clients to choose their path, whether that is forgiving or not forgiving an offender.
  • Outlines effective startegies for reducing unforgiveness.

References And Further Reading

  • Akhtar, S., & Barlow, J. (2018). Forgiveness therapy for the promotion of mental well-being: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Trauma, Violence, and Abuse, 19, 107-122. DOI: 10.1177/1524838016637079.
  • Berry, J. W., Worthington Jr, E. L., O'Connor, L. E., Parrott III, L., & Wade, N. G. (2005). Forgivingness, vengeful rumination, and affective traits. Journal of Personality, 73, 183-226. DOI: 10.1111/j.1467-6494.2004.00308.x.
  • Gartner, J. (1988). The capacity to forgive: An object relations perspective. Journal of Religion and Health, 27, 313-320. DOI: 10.1007/BF01533199.
  • Jones Ross, R. W., Boon, S. D., & Stackhouse, M. R. (2018). Redefining unforgiveness: Exploring victims' experiences in the wake of unforgiven interpersonal transgressions. Deviant Behavior, 39, 1069-1081. DOI: 10.1080/01639625.2017.1399747.
  • Rapske, D. L., Boon, S. D., Alibhai, A. M., & Kheong, M. J. (2010). Not forgiven, not forgotten: An investigation of unforgiven interpersonal offenses. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 29, 1100-1130. DOI: 10.1521/jscp.2010.29.10.1100.
  • Safer, J. (1999). Forgiving and not forgiving: A new approach to intimate betrayal. Avon Books.
  • Seawell, A. H., Toussaint, L. L., & Cheadle, A. C. (2014). Prospective associations between unforgiveness and physical health and positive mediating mechanisms in a nationally representative sample of older adults. Psychology and Health, 29, 375-389. DOI: 10.1080/08870446.2013.856434.
  • Wade, N. G., & Worthington J, E. L. (2003). Overcoming interpersonal offenses: Is forgiveness the only way to deal with unforgiveness? Journal of Counseling and Development, 81, 343-353. DOI: 10.1002/j.1556-6678.2003.tb00261.x.
  • Worthington J., E. L. (2006). Forgiveness and reconciliation: Theory and application. Routledge.