How To Forgive

How To Forgive is an information handout designed to help clients understand and consider the process of forgiveness.

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Professional version

Offers theory, guidance, and prompts for mental health professionals. Downloads are in Fillable PDF format where appropriate.

Client version

Includes client-friendly guidance. Downloads are in Fillable PDF format where appropriate.

Overview

Everyone experiences interpersonal hurts, including acts of omission (e.g., being neglected) and acts of commission (e.g., intentional or unintentional harm). People respond to these transgressions in different ways, such as seeking justice, “letting go” of the offence, or choosing to forgive the wrongdoer. Research indicates that forgiveness is a helpful way to cope with offences, and it can be supported using forgiveness interventions. Based on Wade and Worthington’s (2005) ‘common ingredients’ of forgiveness therapies, this information handout describes what forgiveness is and what it entails. It is designed to help clients understand the process of forgiveness, so they can decide whether it is the approach they wish to take.

Why Use This Resource?

Forgiveness can be an effective way of coping with offences and transgressions.

  • Explains that forgive is a choice and a process.
  • Provides a structured approach to forgiveness.
  • Helps clients evaluate whether forgiveness is worthwhile.

Key Benefits

Understandable

Describes forgiveness clearly and comprehensively.

Effective

Informed by evidence-based forgiveness interventions.

Flexible

Recognizes that forgiveness isn't the only response to transgressions.

Who is this for?

Interpersonal Conflicts

Individuals dealing with betrayal or emotional hurt.

Mood Disorders

Emotional difficulties linked to past transgressions.

Trauma

Individuals who have experienced significant interpersonal injuries.

Integrating it into your practice

01

Educate

Explain what forgiveness is and is not.

02

Discuss

Explore whether forgiveness is something the client would consider.

03

Explain

Discuss the steps of forgiveness.

04

Reflect

Help the client think about whether they want to work towards forgiveness.

Theoretical Background & Therapist Guidance

Forgiveness can be defined in various ways, such as, "a willingness to abandon one’s right to resentment, negative judgment, and indifferent behavior toward someone who has unjustly harmed us, while fostering undeserved qualities like compassion, generosity, and even love toward that person" (Enright, 1998). Although some aspects of forgiveness, such as the necessity of feeling positively toward the offender, are debated, most definitions emphasize the importance of letting go of resentment toward those who caused harm (Legaree et al., 2007).

Various therapeutic approaches have explored how people can forgive others, including forgiveness-focused therapies. Recently, Wade and Worthington (2005) identified several "common ingredients" in forgiveness therapies, such as defining forgiveness and committing to the process of forgiveness. They suggest that building empathy for the offender, making a commitment to forgive, and overcoming feelings of unforgiveness are likely the most crucial interventions for successful forgiveness therapy.

What's inside

  • Comprehensive overview and of forgiveness.
  • Insight into key forgiveness models, such as Worthington's REACH model and Enright’s 20-step framework.
  • Therapist guidance for discussing how to forgive with clients.
  • Cautions and special considerations when exploring forgiveness.
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FAQs

Forgiveness usually involves letting go of negative feelings and fostering positive attitudes towards those who have wronged us.
Therapists can use structured models such as Worthington's (2001) REACH model to help clients move towards forgiveness.
While beneficial for many, forgiveness is just one of several ways of coping with transgressions.

How This Resource Improves Clinical Outcomes

Utilizing this resource can help clients:

  • Better understand of what forgiveness is and what it entails.
  • Make informed decisions about whether to forgive an offender.
  • Begin the process of forgiving others.

References And Further Reading

  • Affinito, M. G. (2002). Forgiveness in counseling: Caution, definition, and application. In S. Lamb & J. G. Murphy (Eds.), Before forgiving: Cautionary views of forgiveness in psychotherapy (pp. 88-111). Oxford University Press.
  • Akhtar, S., & Barlow, J. (2018). Forgiveness therapy for the promotion of mental well-being: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Trauma, Violence, and Abuse, 19, 107-122. DOI: 10.1177/1524838016637079.
  • Enright, R. D. (1996). Counseling within the forgiveness triad: On forgiving, receiving forgiveness, and self forgiveness. Counseling and Values, 40, 107-126. DOI: 10.1002/j.2161-007X.1996.tb00844.x.
  • Enright, R. D. & Fitzgibbons, R. P. (2000). Helping clients forgive: An empirical guide for resolving anger and restoring hope. American Psychological Association.
  • Gilbert, P. (2020). Compassion: From its evolution to a psychotherapy. Frontiers in Psychology, 11, 586161. DOI: 10.3389/fpsyg.2020.586161.
  • Greenberg, L. S. (2005). Emotion-focused therapy: Coaching clients to work through their feelings (2nd ed.). American Psychological Association.
  • Greenberger, D., & Padesky, C. A. (2016). Mind over mood: Change how you feel by changing the way you think (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
  • Griffin, B. J., Worthington, E. L., Jr., Lavelock, C. R., Wade, N. G., & Hoyt, W. T. (2015). Forgiveness and mental health. In L. L. Toussaint, E. L. Worthington, Jr., & D. R. Williams (Eds.), Forgiveness and health: Scientific evidence and theories relating forgiveness to better health (pp. 77-90). Springer.
  • Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (1999). Acceptance and commitment therapy: An experiential approach to behavior change. Guilford Press.
  • Jones Ross, R. W., Boon, S. D., & Stackhouse, M. R. (2018). Redefining unforgiveness: Exploring victims' experiences in the wake of unforgiven interpersonal transgressions. Deviant Behavior, 39, 1069-1081. DOI: 10.1080/01639625.2017.1399747.
  • Lee, Y. R., & Enright, R. D. (2019). A meta-analysis of the association between forgiveness of others and physical health. Psychology and Health, 34, 626-643. DOI: 10.1080/08870446.2018.1554185.
  • Legaree, T. A., Turner, J., & Lollis, S. (2007). Forgiveness and therapy: A critical review of conceptualizations, practices, and values found in the literature. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 33, 192-213. DOI: 10.1111/j.1752-0606.2007.00016.x.
  • Lundahl, B. W., Taylor, M. J., Stevenson, R., & Roberts, K. D. (2008). Process-based forgiveness interventions: A meta-analytic review. Research on Social Work Practice, 18, 465-478. DOI: 10.1177/1049731507313979.
  • Luskin, F. M., Ginzburg, K., & Thoresen, C. E. (2005). The efficacy of forgiveness intervention in college-age adults: Randomized controlled study. Humboldt Journal of Social Relations, 29, 163-184.
  • McCullough, M. E., Pargament, K. I., & Thoresen, C. E. (2000). The psychology of forgiveness: History, conceptual issues, and overview. In M. E. McCullough, K. I. Pargament, & C. E. Thoresen (Eds.), Forgiveness: Theory, research, and practice (pp. 1-14). Guilford Press.
  • McCullough, M. E., & Worthington Jr, E. L. (1995). Promoting forgiveness: A comparison of two brief psychoeducational group interventions with a waiting‐list control. Counseling and Values, 40, 55-68. DOI: 10.1002/j.2161-007X.1995.tb00387.x.
  • McCullough, M. E., Worthington, E. L., Jr., & Rachal, K. C. (1997). Interpersonal forgiving in close relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 73, 321-336. DOI: 10.1037/0022-3514.73.2.321.
  • Rapske, D. L., Boon, S. D., Alibhai, A. M., & Kheong, M. J. (2010). Not forgiven, not forgotten: An investigation of unforgiven interpersonal offenses. Journal of Social and Clinical psychology, 29, 1100-1130. DOI: 10.1521/jscp.2010.29.10.1100.
  • Rasmussen, K. R., Stackhouse, M., Boon, S. D., Comstock, K., & Ross, R. (2019). Meta-analytic connections between forgiveness and health: The moderating effects of forgiveness-related distinctions. Psychology and Health, 34, 515-534. DOI: 10.1080/08870446.2018.1545906.
  • Rye, M. S., & Pargament, K. I. (2002). Forgiveness and romantic relationships in college: Can it heal the wounded heart? Journal of Clinical Psychology, 58, 419-441. DOI: 10.1002/jclp.1153.
  • Seawell, A. H., Toussaint, L. L., & Cheadle, A. C. (2014). Prospective associations between unforgiveness and physical health and positive mediating mechanisms in a nationally representative sample of older adults. Psychology and Health, 29, 375-389. DOI: 10.1080/08870446.2013.856434.
  • Singh, A. K., Tiwari, G. K., & Rai, P. K. (2022). Beyond "cold emotion and rumination": A qualitative study on the nature and attributes of unforgiveness. European Journal of Psychology Open, 81, 57-70. DOI: 10.1024/2673-8627/a000026.
  • Wade, N. G., Bailey, D. C., & Shaffer, P. (2005b). Helping clients heal: Does forgiveness make a difference? Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 36, 634-641. DOI: 10.1037/0735-7028.36.6.634.
  • Wade, N. G., & Worthington E. L., Jr. (2003). Overcoming interpersonal offenses: Is forgiveness the only way to deal with unforgiveness? Journal of Counseling and Development, 81, 343-353. DOI: 10.1002/j.1556-6678.2003.tb00261.x.
  • Wade, N. G., & Worthington, E. L., Jr. (2005a). In search of a common core: A content analysis of interventions to promote forgiveness. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, Practice, Training, 42, 160-177. DOI: 10.1037/0033-3204.42.2.160.
  • Wade, N. G., Worthington, E. L., and Meyer, J. E. (2005). But do they work? A meta-analysis of group interventions to promote forgiveness. In E. L. Worthington Jr. (Ed.), Handbook of forgiveness (pp.423-440). Routledge.
  • Worthington, E. L., Jr. (2001). Five steps to forgiveness: The art and science of forgiving. Crown Publishers.
  • Worthington, E. L., Jr. (2006). Forgiveness and reconciliation: Theory and practice. Brunner-Routledge.
  • Worthington, E. L., Jr. (2020). Understanding forgiveness of other people: Definitions, theories, and processes. In E. L. Worthington Jr. & N. G. Wade (Eds.), Handbook of forgiveness (2nd ed.) (pp.11-21). Routledge.
  • Worthington, E. L., Jr., & Lamb, S. (2023). Forgiveness in therapy: The importance of careful definitions and realistic objectives. In G. Pettigrove & R. Enright (Eds.), The Routledge handbook of the philosophy and psychology of forgiveness (pp.418-429). Routledge.
  • Worthington, E. L., Jr., & Sandage, S. J. (2016). Religion and spirituality in psychotherapy: A relational approach. American Psychological Association.
  • Worthington, E. L., Jr., & Scherer, M. (2004). Forgiveness is an emotion-focused coping strategy that can reduce health risks and promote health resilience: Theory, review, and hypotheses. Psychology and Health, 19, 385-405. DOI: 10.1080/0887044042000196674.