What Forgiveness Is Not

This information handout helps clarify some common misconceptions about forgiveness.

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Offers theory, guidance, and prompts for mental health professionals. Downloads are in Fillable PDF format where appropriate.

Overview

Forgiveness is an effective way of treating anger and relieving hurt. Unfortunately, it is often misunderstood, and often dismissed as a result. For instance, clients might confuse forgiveness with condoning the offence, forgetting what occurred, or reconciling with the offender. This information handout outlines some common misconceptions about forgiveness which can be discussed with clients in order to address potential blocks to forgiveness interventions.

Why Use This Resource?

Forgiveness can be an effective way of treating anger and relieving hurt, but is sometimes misunderstood.

Corrects misconceptions about forgiveness what is.
Distinguishes forgiveness from related but distinct concepts.
Helps clients decide whether they want to forgive.

Key Benefits

Clear

Provides a clear distinction between forgiveness and related concepts such as reconciliation.

Informative

Identifies common misunderstandings that may hinder the process of forgiveness.

Supportive

Assists clients in determining whether forgiveness could be beneficial.

Who is this for?

Interpersonal Conflicts

Individuals dealing with betrayal or emotional hurt.

Mood Disorders

Emotional difficulties linked to past transgressions.

Trauma

Individuals who have experienced significant interpersonal injuries.

Integrating it into your practice

Educate

Explain what forgiveness is.

Compare

Discuss the differences between forgiveness and related concepts such as pardoning or condoning.

Discuss

Explore whether forgiveness is something the client would consider.

Theoretical Background & Therapist Guidance

Forgiveness has been defined in a variety of ways, such as, "a willingness to abandon one’s right to resentment, negative judgment, and indifferent behavior toward one who unjustly injured us, while fostering the undeserved qualities of compassion, generosity, and even love toward him or her" (Enright, 1998). While some components of forgiveness are contested (such as the need to feel positively toward the offender), these conceptualizations share an emphasis on ceasing resentment toward the individual(s) who caused the harm or offence (Legaree et al., 2007).

There is more agreement on what forgiveness is not (Affinito, 2002; Enright & Fitzgibbons, 2000; Greenberg, 2015). For instance, forgiveness is not the same as acceptance (tolerating the offence), acquiescence (allowing harm to continue), or condoning (dismissing or ignoring wrongdoing).

These distinctions are important as they allow individuals to forgive without sacrificing their right to safety and justice (Rye & Pargament, 2002). Equally, forgiveness is not the same as simply reducing unforgiveness, or alleviating lingering feelings of anger, hatred, or bitterness toward the offender (Wade et al., 2005). This information handout describes a selection of common misconceptions about forgiveness which can be discussed with clients in order to address potential blocks to forgiveness interventions.

What's inside

An introduction to forgiveness.
An overview of misconceptions about forgiveness.
Therapist guidance for discussing the resource with clients.

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FAQs

Forgiveness usually involves letting go of negative feelings and fostering positive attitudes towards those who have wronged us.

Therapists can use structured models such as Worthington's (2001) REACH model to help clients move towards forgiveness.

While beneficial for many, forgiveness is just one of several ways of coping with transgressions.

How This Resource Improves Clinical Outcomes

Utilizing this resource can help clients:

Better understand of what forgiveness is and what it entails.
Make informed decisions about whether to forgive an offender.
Begin the process of forgiveness.

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References And Further Reading

Affinito, M. G. (2002). Forgiveness in counseling: Caution, definition, and application. In: S. Lamb & J. G. Murphy (Eds.), Before forgiving: Cautionary views of forgiveness in psychotherapy, Oxford University Press.
Enright, R. D., & Fitzgibbons, R. P. (2000). Helping clients forgive: An empirical guide for resolving anger. American Psychological Association.
Legaree, T. A., Turner, J., & Lollis, S. (2007). Forgiveness and therapy: A critical review of conceptualizations, practices, and values found in the literature. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 33(2), 192-213.
Wade, N. G., & Worthington, E. L., Jr. (2005). In search of a common core: A content analysis of interventions to promote forgiveness. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, Practice, Training, 42(2), 160-177.
Worthington, E. L., Jr., & Lamb, S. (2023). Forgiveness in therapy: The importance of careful definitions and realistic objectives. In: G. Pettigrove & R. Enright (Eds.), The Routledge handbook of the philosophy and psychology of forgiveness, Routledge.

A Guide To Emotions

What Forgiveness Is Not

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Professional version

Overview

Why Use This Resource?